i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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