I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize