He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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