you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
