i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize