if you like me you must not know who I am
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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