areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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