Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
