You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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