Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i think my cat just said my name.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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