she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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