Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
