There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
