I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
