Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
