Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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