remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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