Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm way too hungover for life right now
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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