no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
