I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
