You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
