A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I had to cum in my sink.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
