So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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