I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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