i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
