i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
