sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
