she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
