AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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