did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
