i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
