You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
