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did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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