Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
