If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
