I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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