The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize