I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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