I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
