my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize