I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
