1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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