Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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