Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
