It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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