I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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