Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
