you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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