I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
