so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
