it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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