I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
