i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
