The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
