hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
