Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
