She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My penis needs a shock collar
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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