Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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