So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
