Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
