there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
