If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.