your thong is hanging out like whoa
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
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French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
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I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning