if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
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Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.