youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We just shotgunned beers for America
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?