Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.