I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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