you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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