She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
