is your mom at the bar?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
