those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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