I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
