Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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