I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sext me about skeletons
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
