it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
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I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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