Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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